Had I known
by Tierney Beckett
Summary: The thoughts of one Stargate character during Samantha Carter's wedding. Hopefully more interesting than it sounds. Oneshot. Please R&R.


Disclaimer: Don't own it. Don't even own the dvds, sadly enough. And the 'other stuff' in here was something I got off a website. UltimateWeddings dot com, I think.

A/N: This is actually a songfic, but we all know ff dot net does not 'allow' songfics anymore. Although heaven knows there's certainly no shortage of Mary Sues running around the site, isn't there? Why not ban them? (steps off soap box) Anyway, the song is Trisha Yearwood's 'I Would've Loved You Anyway'. Beautiful song. If you haven't heard it, try to find it somewhere.

This is 'ship. But it's a mystery. See if you can figure out who it is. My muses, Daniel Jackson and Haldir of Lothlorien await for your opinions! They've been bugging me with this one for at least a week!

Spoilers: Season 7. Set in a future season.  
Archive: All I ask is that you ask.

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Why was he here? Why had he come? Certainly no one expected him. He was well out of view, for the crowd was a large one. That didn't surprise him. Sam alone had no shortage of friends.

The male portion of the wedding party was already in place. Who was that coming down the aisle first? Cassie. She looked beautiful. And then...oh, that was Sam's sister-in-law. Yes, he remembered something about Sam planning to ask her to be an attendant.

The music started, announcing the arrival of the bride. He shrunk back even further in the corner that he occupied. She looked beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. He could feel his heart racing. Only his Sam had ever been able to make his heart race like that. He followed her gaze to the face of her future husband. No. She wasn't HIS Sam. She never really had been.

He shouldn't be here. He was only torturing himself. How he wished he could hate the man that now stood at Sam's side, listening to the preacher begin the ceremony. But he couldn't hate him. How could he hate someone who made Sam's eyes sparkle like that? How could he hate a man who would undeniably bring her the happiness she so richly deserved?

He would always have his memories of her. That was true. But he wouldn't stay here. Of course, he hadn't told any of his friends that, yet. Some part of him had hoped that he would wake up one morning and she would be his. There wasn't one place he could go around here without being reminded of her.

He cherished every moment, bad and good, that he had been privileged enough to share with her. No, he wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Despite his somber mood, the corners of his mouth quirked slightly. The world. How ironic. Perhaps, given his knowledge, he should change that to 'the galaxy'. Or 'the known galaxy'.

Oh, what was he trying to do? Make a lame joke to cheer himself up? Had he sunk this low? It was almost pathetic. No. It WAS pathetic. Through his jumbled, confused thoughts, he heard the voice of the preacher.

"If any man knows of any just cause or reason that these two should not be joined together, let him speak now or forever hold his peace."

How hard it was to keep himself from loudly declaring that he loved her! She meant everything in the world to him. How could he just stand by and watch her pledge her life to someone else? He closed his eyes, willing himself to stay silent.

So they were past that part. Past the dangerous part. But now came the vows. He could leave. There was a side exit right next to him. If he was quiet enough, no one would even know he had been there. But he stood rooted to the spot, listening to them exchange their vows. Sam's voice rang clearly in the crowded church, every word spoken with passion and conviction.

"I vow to make a home with you. To live a life with you and be a part of you. I vow to create a life you will cherish. I vow to inspire a love for love and life. I vow to be your love, your soul mate, and your wife. This I vow until forever is just a memory in eternity and eternity has disappeared into infinity."

There was audible sniffing that only increased as the groom repeated the same words to Sam…and with the same amount of emotion behind them. He could not doubt how much this man loved his Sam. Wait. Hadn't he corrected himself on that before? She was NOT his Sam. He repeated this mantra over and over in his head as the ceremony continued, his heart breaking a little more with each repetition.

God, this was painful! But, for some reason, he knew that it was needed. He needed to see this. He needed to see that Sam was happy, although his head kept telling him that her happiness should've been obvious enough without him putting himself through this. His heart was the stubborn one. His heart was the one that had insisted on this.

Now, wait a minute! What was Daniel doing? What was he saying?

"Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth."

Wow. That was beautiful, he had to admit. Daniel must've unearthed it from one of his books.

So it was over. They were pronounced. And they were coming back up the aisle. He drew in a sharp breath. If Sam had looked beautiful before…..she just looked stunning now. Incredibly stunning. He had never seen her look so breathtaking before. And in that moment, his misery was forgotten. Sam was in love. And Sam was happier than she had ever been. That was enough for him.

Uh-oh. Well, he hadn't counted on this. He stood frozen to the spot when he realized she had seen him. A brief look of apprehension crossed her face and it hurt him that she would think he had come to cause a scene. Quick to reassure her, he smiled slightly and shook his head. Mouthing 'good luck', he turned and exited through the side door, unnoticed.

"What's wrong?" her husband asked when she paused slightly as they walked back up the aisle. He followed her gaze, but saw nothing. She looked up at him and smiled brilliantly as they continued on.

"Nothing," she replied, her heart somehow lighter than it had been for months. Even with the joy of her engagement, something had always weighed on her. Now she knew what it was.

He eyed her disbelievingly for a moment, but her smile quickly won him over. As always.

"Alright then," he led her out the church door. "Let's get the party started, Carter."

"Jack? I think you can definitely call me 'Sam' now."

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So, yeah! It was Pete. Pete Shanahan was the guy in the congregation. Now, I'm a staunch Jack/Sam shipper. And I hated Pete at first. But Peter Deluise just broke my heart in 'Threads'. And I felt so bad for him. He really did love Sam. He couldn't help it that she just wasn't for him. He couldn't help it if he didn't fit into her world. Honestly, how many people outside the SGC would? So I needed to give him more closure. Hope you enjoyed it! Please read and review. Daniel and Haldir love, love, love reviews.


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